Poolside Reflections ~

Long, LONG overdue post.  Way too much to explain but I’ve got a couple small nuggets of truths to expose.  More importantly, no news about little Miss Hannah-Banana and her clinical trial.  Actually, that was the news – no clinical trial this summer. BUT the FDA did approve the protocol so that’s progress.  Hope to start movin’ and groovin’ with all this by the new year.  Hannah has stayed healthy; girls did a lot of swimming in the pool, rode bikes and spent endless summer nights with friends.  Just the way a summer should be!  But now, summer is officially over.  We’ve been in school for over a month and now my life revolves around after school activities, homework and lunches.  I hate packing lunches but I’ll pack those lunches everyday just to see them get out of my car, slide the minivan door shut, wave goodbye and watch them enter that school building.  I do a little jig in my seat, drive off like I’m in a Mustang and turn up the music!  I love those girls but honestly, you all know what I’m talking about.  No one is calling me mama for 7 hours and 20 minutes…but I am SO NOT counting.

Is that mean of me to admit? I really love my girls but I just can’t be ON for them every second of every day.  Maybe as I am getting older, I’m less tolerant.  I’m going into my 40th year.  I have never, I mean never, had an issue with my age.  I’d rather be celebrating a birthday than be six feet under, right?  But this go around, turning 39 gave me angst. Serious angst.  Maybe it has something to do with my metabolism deciding to slow down like thick molasses coming out of a bottle.  Maybe it has to do with my knees cracking just a little louder going up the stairs.  Maybe it’s the notion that in 2021 my first-born will be graduating from HS — 2021?????  That’s 8 years away…and 10 years have already gone by way too fast.  That will be 39 years AFTER I graduated from my high school.  Anyway I digress.  Some of that might be contributing to my angst.  Nonetheless, I did a lot of self-reflection this summer while my girls were frolicking in the summer breeze.  I mean A.L.O.T.  So I sat by the pool – will neither confirm nor deny if I had cocktail in hand – and thought things through.  Here’s a list of some of those self-reflections…

1.  Acupuncture needles do not hurt.  In fact, those needles work like magic.  Sweet Virginia, the medicine lady of Winchester worked her magic.  Maybe another post one day…but if you’re thinking about doing it.  Do it.  Try it.  It may just change the trajectory of your journey ever so slight; so slight, that it truly is SO BIG.

2.  Self-care is important.  It is THAT simple.  Don’t forget the most important thing in your life.  YOU.  I know this is super cliché, but I have to remind myself over and over again.  Thought you might need to hear it again.  TAKE CARE OF YOU!

3. There doesn’t always have to be an apology in order to forgive.  This is a doozy for me because I hold grudges like a mama kangaroo holds her joey.  I have a pouch that holds a lot of resentment and muck.  I need to forgive and give myself Grace to be happy, joyous and free.

4.  Girlfriends are a requirement for survival.  Even when I think I can’t talk or hang out with one of my GFs, they find me.  They text me.  They stalk me.  They KNOW I need them.  I let my guard down, I let them in and then I laugh.  I laugh hard because I’m surrounded by some crazy ass women who KNOW I need THEM to survive.

5.  There is never a Perfect Time for anything…unless a friend shows up after I’ve had a bad day and says what are we drinkin??  THAT I consider perfect timing…

6.  BTW, speaking of cocktails, they really do have a lot of calories.  *sigh*  And a lot of calories don’t help a slowing down, good for nothin’ metabolism.  *sigh again*

7.  If I don’t start today, I most likely won’t start tomorrow.  This goes along with waiting for the Perfect Time.  I’m a self-sabotager.  I can’t do this, if this is not done.  Or once this happens, I will be able to do this.  So now I try to have Nike on the brain…JUST DO IT.  I use my Tony Soprano voice in my head when I say this to myself.  I think it helps.

8.  If you don’t have the courage or confidence to do something you love, do it anyway.  They will show up soon enough.  The important thing is YOU SHOW UP FIRST.

9.  Maybe watching Pitch Perfect all summer long was NOT the best thing to do.  Especially when I was singing Like a Virgin at the top of my lungs.  Not so nostalgic when your kid finally asks you what a virgin is…scratch the record, please!  Your own private island, Sweetheart.  It’s your own PRIVATE island.  Leave it to my BFF for coming up with that one. 😉

10.  And finally, one of the most important things I learned, or rather officially accepted about myself this summer is I truly am my worst enemy.  I could succeed at so much (at least I think I can) but I’m too scared of failing.  I’m scared of not being PERFECT all the time.  Which is funny because I am so far from perfect…I mean my SH** DOES STINK folks!!!!  So I’m hoping to change that up and become my biggest fan.  I feel like I am sounding a bit like that big, huge tall guy…what’s his name??  ahhhh…just call me Tony Robbins.

SO with all that…I decided it was time to give myself a goal and stick to it.  A goal that doesn’t change because things aren’t perfect.  A goal that courage&confidence show up for because I showed up to the start line first.  A goal that allows me to become physically and emotionally healthy.  My stupid ass…I mean my smart intelligent psyche told me to train for a 5K this fall and then participate in 5K mud run next summer.  WTF am I thinking????  I don’t run.  I don’t like to run BUT I’m going to do this. I’m going to open my mind to running and PRAY that “runner’s high” rears its ugly head, inhale that “high” deeply and then officially beat the sh** out of it!!  And if you want to be at the finish line cheering me on with a celebratory cocktail in hand, I sure would appreciate it.

And by the way, there are less than 100 days left in 2013.  My cousin posed a question on FB that really made me think…what do you plan to do with those 100 days?  I really stopped and thought about that question…it’s a good question…to think about another day because hell, I’m just glad I’ve made it through the first 265 days…HA!

Here’s to surviving the first 265+ days of 2013, letting go of the little joey in my pouch and keeping my girls on their OWN PRIVATE ISLANDS ~ Cheers!

rumi

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3 thoughts on “Poolside Reflections ~

  1. LOVED your post – you could easily write a book about life, your daughter’s trials and tribulations, or just about anything! You are very entertaining. I’m looking forward to seeing you again in Dallas – seems like it’s been FOREVER since we last saw each other in NY, when we realized how much alike we are based on the Self Assessment testing we did!!

    Rock on. See you soon!

    Sally

  2. Thanks for sharing your feelings and insights…you’ve made me laugh AND think about my own self-sabotoging ways!! We really are our own worst enemies! How I love you and wish you lived closer…I will be cheering for you from Utah!!! YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS…believe me, your life has proven that so this race is going to be nothing compared!! YOU seriously have it in you!

    I am so glad you are taking time for yourself and being with friends, my runs in the morning are my therapy! Being able to talk to other women help us survive!
    We are praying for sweet Hannah that things will get going soon…we need some positive vibes coming our way!!!

    GOOD LUCK and keep up the good work 😉

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